You Witness A Microagression - Now What? (Copy)

After her presentation a senior manager in the meeting says to Tabatha a Black colleague of yours “you are so articulate” and you notice that she looks uneasy about this comment. Your other white colleagues do not seem to notice that anything is awry. What do you do?

As a bystander you have an opportunity - despite discomfort to step in and intervene and to be a great Ally we need to be ready to intervene. 

At this point we have 2 choices: to ‘call out’ or to ‘call in’ 

There are moments when "calling someone out" is appropriate, to stop words or actions that are actively hurting someone.  Here are some examples of what we can say when we ‘call out’:

“I need to stop you right there”

“I find that offensive”

“That was not ok”

“Thats didn’t feel good”

“I feel uncomfortable with that - here is why”

However, ’Calling out’ whilst sometimes might be the only appropriate response,  does often cause defensiveness, division or shame which doesn’t often help empower long-term change. It is usually less effective in building trust and nurturing relationships which is pretty important at work or with family and so it should be used ideally only when necessary. 

As an alternative we can ‘call in’ and one way we can do this is by using the STOP model we developed at TOSHA. Here is how it works:

S - Explain the situation fully, ie. I noticed that you said to Tabatha after her presentation that she is very articulate

T - Share what you think or feel about it, ie. I think this could have been uncomfortable for her 

O - Explain objective of call in, ie. I’ve learnt that Black people face this comment a lot because of a stereotype that Black people in general are less articulate and I would really like Tabatha to fully appreciate all that she did that impressed us in this presentation today.

P - Share a potential solution, ie. I’ve found that being more specific with your feedback and compliments can help avoid stereotypes. If you were to elaborate further on what you liked specifically about her idea or talk more about her ability to convey a convincing point of view, this would also help her understand how to maximize and build on her strengths. 

The key difference when we ‘call in’ is the addition of suggesting a better way forward, helping the agent of the Microagression to better understand how they can avoid further harm in the future and better achieve your shared goals of inclusion.

If you would like to explore this topic further please get in touch with us at TOSHA, we’d love to keep the conversation going.